Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves,

you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was

nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his

gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank

of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in

their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them

into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure,

she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies!

Their minds are always

Working!

---

Compassion is Love in action.

Paddy was sitting at the bar and lamenting to the bartender, "I've gotta get home. I promised the misses I wouldn't drink and I promised her I would not go to the bar."

After repeating this to a few patrons and being loaded he decided at 2am it was time to go home. He got off his chair and promply fell to the floor. Not being able to get up he crawled and and since his apartment was next door...crawled up the stairs and into bed.

In the morning the misses asked him, "Paddy did ya go to da bar last night?"

Paddy - spinning with a headache and guilt lied, "No no I swear I was not at the bar last night."

Ten minutes later she asked again, "Paddy were you not at the bar last night."

Again Paddy lied and said, "No no I swear I was not at the bar last night."

Once again the misses asked, "Paddy you're sure you didn't got to the bar last night?"

Full of guilt Paddy finally confessed that he was indeed drunk at the bar last night and said to his wife, "But how did you know?"

"The bar called," she replied, "You left your wheelchair there again."

---

Where my designer B*tches at?

MAGNETS....COWS....HERD....it all makes sense now?

There's nothing worse than driving in a snowstorm with a GPS that's on the rag

Do you take PAYPAL?

LMAO!!!!!!

 

---

Recalculating....


"A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?" Wayne Campbell

>>> Sex on Mars
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent
>>> flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian
>>> couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if
>>> Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they
>>> make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
>>>
>>> "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
>>>
>>> "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.
>>>
>>> Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap
>>> partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the
>>> male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got
>>> only a teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and just a
>>> quarter inch thick.
>>>
>>> "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
>>>
>>> "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?
>>>
>>> "Well," she replies,"It's just not long enough to reach me!"
>>>
>>> "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead
>>> with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows
>>> until it's quite impressively long.
>>>
>>> "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks
>>> like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow.."
>>>
>>> "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With
>>> each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire
>>> measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
>>>
>>> "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad,
>>> passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal
>>> partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks,
>>> "Well, was it any good?"
>>>
>>> "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How
>>> about you?"
>>>
>>> "It was horrible", he replies. "All I got was a headache. She
>>> kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

DOH!............that's just wrong. bwaaaaaahahahhaahaha

---

Where my designer B*tches at?

MAGNETS....COWS....HERD....it all makes sense now?

There's nothing worse than driving in a snowstorm with a GPS that's on the rag

Do you take PAYPAL?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

---

Keep it simple

In the middle of the night
We keep sending little kites
Until a little light gets through ~ Patty Griffin

F*ck it, I'm off to the river
Just get me outta here ~ D. Bentall

At the joke or my comment......oh nevermind <rubs sore ears and walks away>

---

Where my designer B*tches at?

MAGNETS....COWS....HERD....it all makes sense now?

There's nothing worse than driving in a snowstorm with a GPS that's on the rag

Do you take PAYPAL?

 *THWACK!!!*

---

Keep it simple

In the middle of the night
We keep sending little kites
Until a little light gets through ~ Patty Griffin

F*ck it, I'm off to the river
Just get me outta here ~ D. Bentall

I should know better....Marnie I almost lost my sip of coffee!!! That was hilarious.

 

---

Recalculating....


"A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?" Wayne Campbell

katiescarlet:

I should know better....Marnie I almost lost my sip of coffee!!! That was hilarious.

 

Oh, Jenn...you can't, in good conscience, try & blame your coffee-stained shirt on Marnie's joke, can you?!  

---

Keep it simple

In the middle of the night
We keep sending little kites
Until a little light gets through ~ Patty Griffin

F*ck it, I'm off to the river
Just get me outta here ~ D. Bentall

Sammie:

katiescarlet:

I should know better....Marnie I almost lost my sip of coffee!!! That was hilarious.

 

Oh, Jenn...you can't, in good conscience, try & blame your coffee-stained shirt on Marnie's joke, can you?!  

Hee hee hee!!! I can try...ok...fine!!! Sorry Marnie!!!

---

Recalculating....


"A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?" Wayne Campbell

Q: How many Floridians does it take to drink a cup of coffee without spilling it?

---

Where my designer B*tches at?

MAGNETS....COWS....HERD....it all makes sense now?

There's nothing worse than driving in a snowstorm with a GPS that's on the rag

Do you take PAYPAL?

I don't know...but it only takes one to kick you in the arse!!!

---

Recalculating....


"A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?" Wayne Campbell

bwahahaha!! Consider yourself TOLD today, Ray!!

---

Keep it simple

In the middle of the night
We keep sending little kites
Until a little light gets through ~ Patty Griffin

F*ck it, I'm off to the river
Just get me outta here ~ D. Bentall

<slinks off rubbing his sore ass and sore ears looking for excedrin>

---

Where my designer B*tches at?

MAGNETS....COWS....HERD....it all makes sense now?

There's nothing worse than driving in a snowstorm with a GPS that's on the rag

Do you take PAYPAL?