Sammie:

katiescarlet:

I should know better....Marnie I almost lost my sip of coffee!!! That was hilarious.

 

Oh, Jenn...you can't, in good conscience, try & blame your coffee-stained shirt on Marnie's joke, can you?!  

Yeah!  I didn't make up the joke, I just posted it.

j/k

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Doctors Never Laugh

The Doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a 
professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

 'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, 
revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't 
have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell 
laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his 
feet and regain his composure. 'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really 
am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor 
and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what 
seems to be the problem?'

 'It's swollen,' Bob replied.

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, "Yes, Nurse Tracy ," said Mr. Wallace. "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas. He met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Wallace," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas." "But, Nurse Tracy I can't," replied Mr. Wallace. "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died. "Yes," said Nurse Tracy, "you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" (You've gotta love this ....) "Well," he replied, "Today is the viewing."

---

Yippee-ki-yay Om Om Mani Padme Om Om

Use your Ontario Voice

I recently chose a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?'

'No,' I replied. 'I don't do drugs, either.'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

I said, 'No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, fishing or relaxing on the beach?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said. 'I don't do any of those things.'

Then he looked at me and asked, 'Then why do you give a sh*t?'

I saw this on YouTube and I couldn't stop laughing...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTrK4VQG93Y

---

~ ...and all the demons are saints, and the saints I'll never trust...~ Blue Rodeo - "Graveyard"

~...Had a dream where everybody looked like someone else, and the farthest I could get from was the closest to myself...~ Men Without Hats - "Sideways"

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her

new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety

violation.

The cop said, 'Next year, tell Santa to put reflector lights on the back of

it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir.

Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa... the ***

goes underneath the horse, not on top.

---

Yippee-ki-yay Om Om Mani Padme Om Om

Use your Ontario Voice

A short love story -- On a train

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f ******' blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

---

Compassion is Love in action.