A REDNECK LOVE POEM

            SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
            SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
            SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
            SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.


             PAPPY TOLD HER, 'SUSIE GAL,
            YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
             I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
            BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.'


             SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
             AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL
             BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
             HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL..'
             
               YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
             AND PLEA SE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER.
             BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
             I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.'
             
             
            BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, 'MY CHILD,
            JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
            MARRY WILL, OR MARRY JOE:
            YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.' 
              
       Brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?

---

"There's one in every crowd, for crying out loud,
why was it always turning out be me"

Elvis was not only the King, but a really awesome person as well!

ROTF!!!!!

---

Darlin', I'm beside myself
And I don't think that you
Know which one of me
That you are talking to...~ Serena Ryder

katiescarlet:

              
       Brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?

---

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress - but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Patience is the root of all good

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lovers' spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

He sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.
 
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, officer?'
 
The cop says: 'What are you doing?'
 
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading amagazine.'
 
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: 'And her, what is she doing?' 

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater.'
 
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane....and nothing sensual is happening!
 
The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?'
 
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'
 
The cop asks: 'And her ... what's her age?'
 
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.'

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

No offense anyone  

Blondes 

Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.'

Donna got completely upset and yelled,'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house.


===========================================

A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees, and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her, and asked, 'What are you doing?'

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!  You need to roll up the windows first.'

==========================================

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a  drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the winter'.

=========================================
A blonde was shopping at Target, and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that?' he asked.

'It's a thermos,' she replied. 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' 

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied. 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

 ==========================================
 
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss askes sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass, and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office, and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay?' he asks.

'No,' exclaims the blonde, 'I just received a call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Warning: Groaners ahead...(don't say I didn't warn ya!

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

 

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~ ...and all the demons are saints, and the saints I'll never trust...~ Blue Rodeo - "Graveyard"

~...Had a dream where everybody looked like someone else, and the farthest I could get from was the closest to myself...~ Men Without Hats - "Sideways"

Ah those Senior moments

WHERE Is My SUNDAY Paper? The irate customer calling the newspaper office
loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.

Ma'am, said the newspaper employee, today is Saturday .... The Sunday
paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday.

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a
ray of recognition.... As she was heard to mutter 'Well *** ... So that's
why no one was at church today.'

---

It's from this love that Aphrodite rose.

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'!

---

It's from this love that Aphrodite rose.

This brought a brief smile to my lips in a time when I definitely needed it.

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.  I thought that maybe if I acted 'crazy', then he would tell me to take a few days off.  So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.  I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out.  Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

---

Yesterday is yesterday. (This Town)

It's only heaven descending. (Black Ribbon)

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me.  They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'  

---

It's from this love that Aphrodite rose.

Polish Divorce

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~ ...and all the demons are saints, and the saints I'll never trust...~ Blue Rodeo - "Graveyard"

~...Had a dream where everybody looked like someone else, and the farthest I could get from was the closest to myself...~ Men Without Hats - "Sideways"

 

Stressed then follow this simple rule.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog

If you can't eat it or hump it,

then piss on it and walk away.

---

It's from this love that Aphrodite rose.

---

Darlin', I'm beside myself
And I don't think that you
Know which one of me
That you are talking to...~ Serena Ryder

 Love that dog Sammie..

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst

way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors

were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on

prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,

"Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I

can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go

and give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps,

determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to

the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman standing

waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it

onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the

dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the

bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped

the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming

in great frustration, she shouts out

"SH*T, THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO

---

It's from this love that Aphrodite rose.

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know" the child said bursting into tears, "please don't tell me"

Confused the father asked what was wrong, the boy  sobbed. When I was six, I got the "theres no Easter Bunny" speech

At seven i got the "theres no tooth fairy " speech. When I was eight you hit me with the "theres no Santa Claus" speech.

If your going to tell me that grown ups really don't get laid. I'll Have nothing to live for.

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It's from this love that Aphrodite rose.